Suicidal - please I desperately want help?

It's been about 4-5 months since I started feeling suicidal, and I've been depressed much longer. But I can't live like this anymore. Every waking moment I want to die. I'm so restless from it, and I'm getting so exhausted from it. I'm a sophomore in high school.

I have no friends. I wish I didn't care, but I don't. I'm not very good with people, and being depressed and suicidal just consumer my thoughts that it's even harder bothering to make friends. And I can't make friends with the people in my school because the friends I had ditched me and the people generally know me and I guess don't like me enough to even bother with me. Indifference is so difficult to deal with.

So making friends at school is really out of the question. One solution I thought of was switching schools so I could have a fresh start and people wouldn't know me. But the only public school that I can switch into is a very elite high school, one of the top in the country, selective of their students. I don't know if I will have the grades to switch in, and if they'll even have an opening. A lot of people I was friends with who were good friends went there, but I didn't because I still had friends here but those friends ditched me. And now I have no one.I don't know what to do if I can't get into the school.

I want to die. I want to die so bad. I just want all of this to end. At first I thought that I'd be fine and get better if I could just escape this, but lately I just think of the future and I get scared because of how much harder things will get.I'm so confused. My only goal right now is to get into that school. But that is so far off. And I don't even know if I can be accepted. I don't know if I can last that long.

I don't have friends that I desperately want. And this depression, this feeling just won't go away.

The guy that I love lives far away. At least he is still in the US and on the same coast, but the only way to see him would be with a plane ride and only on major holidays. But we both love each other a lot, and it's really hard getting by every day without him next to me. Everyone says the reasonable thing to do is let go, but love isn't just something you can just crush and give up. I have a really difficult time getting close to people and loving them. He's the first person I have ever loved in my life. But it's long distance...and we're both only half way through high school. How will this work?

My family doesn't know the meaning of love. My parents are extremely unsupportive, and they will not get me help even unless I fight them on it. They don't believe I have a serious problem. But I feel so bad all day, and I want to die. I coped with this for a long time, but I can't take it any longer. I'm supposed to see a therapist this week, but my mom doesn't care and still hasn't scheduled an appointment. Everytime I ask her she says, %26quot; Do you really need to go?%26quot; It hurts so much that my parents don't understand and aren't trying to help. The doctors have told them that I'm suicidal and I've made plans to kill myself and etc. but it doesn't affect them. They tell me I better stop it or I'll regret it.

Why does no one want to help me. I am really considering killing myself or running away. If I run away I will still be alive, but it'll be much more difficult for me to get a job and etc. because of an incomplete education.

Please, what do I do?? I desperately need help. I cry everyday for hours; I feel so bad. I want to die. I don't have any reason to stay. PLEASE HELP.

And please, don't say anything like change your thinking or personality. If it was that easy, I wouldn't be seeking help here.Suicidal - please I desperately want help?I went through i stage like this, where i felt nothing was worth it anymore. My parents didn't really know what i was going through until i opened up to them. And when i say opened up to them i mean i was crying for ages just letting every feeling and emotion out. My school nurse was really good she let me talk to her and they had a councillor who came in now and again to talk to students. Maybe try to talk to someone in your school. They may have someone who can talk to you. I went through a stage with no friends but maybe try and get in with a new group of friends. What ever you do don't run away or kill your self. Your parents would be so upset. I ran away after a big argument with my parents about everything. It made everything a hundred times worse. Try seeking help on your own if your parents wont do it. I hope this helps and try writing everything down then burning it. It helped for me its like burning all your problems away.



Katie xx
Suicidal - please I desperately want help?
you need to go to a hospital if you are this extremely depressed.

you can book yourself in to be diagnosed and hopefully get some counseling....



just drive yourself to one as soon as you are able. there is no shame in that. depression is a clinical illness just like people who have MS or Parkinson's...etc.
Suicidal - please I desperately want help?
First, take a deep breath...you are young. Nothing in life could be so costly to take your own life. Get involved at your school, play a sport, take up a hobby. Find a good church support group...take time to notice all the good in life...take a walk. It will be okay...for sure, you would be missed if you were gone...God bless.
Seek some professional help. NOW!!!!!. This is serious.
Please do not kill yourself!! You can get through this, and help others in the future who are struggling with depression. Right now all sorts of hormones are changing in your body, which contributes a lot to feelings of depression, anxiety, etc. Believe me - I know.



Definitely try to get in to the other school - it's worth a shot, right? Fresh starts are great if you get the opportunity. Please hang on!! You WILL get through this!!
First of all, it seems as if you are trying to have your friends give you happiness...one thing you need to know is friends you make at school and in highschool you cant really rely on them...the first step you need to do is find a hobbie or something you really enjoy, art...music...anything and use that to bring out the things that you think made you depressed in the first place. I was depressed for a really long time, and yes it is a chemica problem in the brain. And it can be beat. just dont end it...life is better. You say your family doesnt know the meaning of love and are unsupportive. you and this person who is the love of your life will be able to start your own life and make your life how you want it instead of how they make it. just trust me...find one thing that makes you really happy. its gonna be hard. but dont stop trying....good luck :) plus if you love someone, dont be selfish and end your life because your going to hurt the one you love mostly.