Can you please look at my essay and tell me what you think can inprove it?

Manasquan High School vs. Brookdale



“Big difference: independence, something similar: students” (Christopher 1). What is so different about Manasquan High School and Brookdale? I mean that they are both schools to better your education. Manasquan High School and Brookdale differ because of the area, the restrictions, and the amount of work.



First, the environment changes how you feel about a school. Manasquan High School is in the same neighborhood that I live in. This is nice because I knew everyone in my grade, as well as other grades. Also everyone in all of your classes was around your age. Furthermore, I like that it’s in my neighborhood and I know my way around well, and I grew up with the scenery so it makes me feel more like at home, but sometimes I want a change of scenes. Verses at Brookdale it is a new environment all together. There are so many people in your grade which makes it hard to meet everyone. Not even that, but not everyone in my classes was around my age. Brookdale is also farther away from where I live, in a new neighborhood all together. This is not as much of a home feeling, because it’s all new, which is a good thing because I want new scenes and I want to get away from home.



Second, the restrictions changes how you feel about your school. In Manasquan High School we had to be in the first class by 7:38am. and school ended at 2:30pm. Also for lunch we had to be in the school for 77 minutes, 50 minutes were in study hall. Study hall was a waist of time because it was in the auditorium with no room to move or do an work, all students could do was talk, because there was not even anything to write on, and you weren’t even allowed to get out of your seat. Furthermore, teachers took attendance, and if you were late or cut the class, even study hall, you would get written up and receive a detention. If you didn’t go to all the detentions, you weren’t allowed to go to the dance, or walk on graduation, which ever was coming up. Another example is, at Manasquan High School, you weren’t allowed to wear a hat in class. You also weren’t allowed a cell phone at all from 7:38-2:30, not even during lunch. Your cloths couldn’t have a beer logo on it, and you couldn’t wear flip flops. Also girls technically weren’t allowed to wear spaghetti tops. People still wear flip flops, and girls still were spaghetti tops, because they didn’t enforce it to often but sometimes they would. You were only allowed to have water in class, no food, soda, coffee, ect. Unlike at Brookdale, you make your schedule to what ever is best for you. Also in-between classes you can leave the campus, or use a phone. Also if you are late or cut a class you don’t get written up or receive a detention. The teachers treat you more like adults. In Brookdale I see people with hats on in class something you can’t do at Manasquan High School. Also people have beer logos on their shirts, and you are allowed a cell phone in school. You can even leave class if you get a real important call and have to take it. Now I can have coffee in just about all my classes, and some allow me to eat in them. These are all freedoms that never had in high school.



Third, the work load is different. In Manasquan High School I hardly got any homework. It usually took me 5-10 minutes a day, per class. Even though it was uncomfortable I did most of it in study hall so I could have less homework when I got home. Also each class was 77 minutes, every day. Now at Brookdale I have more homework, about two-three hours, per class. That’s not that bad though, because in most classes I have a week to do homework, which comes out to about ten-fifteen minutes each day per class. Now classes are around 2-3 hours, once or twice a week.



All in all, Manasquan High School and Brookdale are two different experiences, because of the work load, the many restrictions, and the location. Aristotle once said, “The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet” (Terri 2). This means that sometimes you might not like a school, or subject, but you have to deal with it because it will get better. That’s the difference between Manasquan High School and Brookdale.























Works Cited

Christopher B. “What are some good hooks for comparing High School to college?” Online. Available.http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;… 9/24/08

Terri Guillemets. “Quotations: Off to College.” Online. Available. http://www.quotegarden.com/off-to-colleg… 9/22/08







Can you please look at my essay and tell me what you think can inprove it?You start too quickly into your facts, this leaves the reader a bit confused. I have never, to my memories knowledge, started an essay with a quote, it needs to be included somewhere after an introduction amd needs an introduction itself. The title does explain what the essay is about but you need to say something like, %26quot;When someone considers where one will partake in their education there are many factors to consider.%26quot; When you introduce the quote something must be said to the effect of , One student summed it up by saying, (quote). Overall your essay is very good for high school level writing. You need to remember to focus on the reader, and remember they do not know what you are writing about when their eyes meet the paper, it is like teaching someone to swim, you gradually lead them into deeper water. I hope it helps!